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[Tim&, Xan&]

in case you guys both wanted this, idk. this is my devotional tribute to a book that changed my life by way of basically being about my life, as these things tend to do, & I am proud of it & I love all the songs, but fanmixes are so personal, so it's totally fine with me if you hate it all, I promise<3 it is broadly speaking in chronological order; the last song doesn't get a quote from the book because I'd have to quote the whole book. I hope you get it, even if you don't like it? idk :x

( and I didn't make cover art because I am incapable :x )

I had one of the kinds of dreams I hate: where I dream I'm having a recurring dream (but I'm not) and I know that if I can just concentrate on it hard enough, I'll stay asleep for long enough to find the place in the dream that's safe, that I used to go when I was tiny. There's always a guy, some strong rough-handed beautiful man who is waiting there to look after me, who has waited since I was four or five or six or seven, who has been in his other world, that I dreamed myself into, wondering where I'd gone and whether I'd be back.

I just want to feel safe for a while. It is a pity that genuinely is too much to ask most of the time. I'm going to cry for a bit now, and get over myself.

Edit : which is helped enormously by fanfiction, as always :
"Oh, Kommandor Spock, pleece fuck me. Pleece, I am wirgin, be gentle, not like Keptin Kork."

"You're a lunatic, Yelchin." Zach growled.

"Hmm, I'm not the one who gets hard for a seventeen year old Communist stereotype with a speech impediment."
\o/ Adorable.

Had to go ask to be let in to the main house to check my electricity meter for the first time in 28432947 years. We have a criminal in the building! I was met and let in by the most textbook But He Was Always So Quiet, Kept To Himself, I Can't Understand It young man I've ever actually seen outside a TV show :x You know, I'm not bothered by serial killers, I just didn't realise we had one here. Bless him♥ He was a very nice sort of serial killer - I'm not sure he's even started yet, to be honest, he may just have been looking things up online or hacking at a Sunday joint to take the edge off, but it's not like I don't always know :)

And now I have taken another bookcase apart, and intend to reward myself with Hispanic and Chinese. :x

& sorry, guys, generally; I'm being quiet, and terrified of responding to posts, or saying anything much~ I am really hoping I'll be less of a nutbox once I move house (in just over a week, oh god. terror.)

Very much in one of those, well, nobody could possibly care about anything I could possibly say frames of mind~ there are reasons, but it's still not reasonable, so I apologise, which doesn't mean I can fix it :/

Well, today is grim. :/

I am not allowed to just crawl back home in a heap and cry all day. I have got to go to work. I am not allowed to use other people's stuff to hurt myself with because I need a haircut. WTF, hormones. Enough already.

Nnnnngh. Bad day is bad. Every noise, every thing has me on the edge of screaming. But I have to go to work, and do work at work, because my boss is back next week. God I just want to stab myself, it would solve so many problems right now.

Oh, my god. I never read this one. Although it is giving me nostalgia for the early days of fandom :') But, man. Bitch is crazy. Only in America. :x

Yikes. Watching Law & Order : SVU is always a bit of a russian roulette thing, but it's pretty alarming seeing someone kick off about doctors in just the same way I do, only with...reasons. Ugh. Sometimes I wish someone had videotaped my entire past. You know, I wouldn't want to rewatch some of it, but if only I could know...

Ugh.

Well, this is...heterosexual.

I am so confused by them. I mean, like, peripherally confused, because I'm not really paying attention, but...seriously? Really? I mean, he's in heels. For Jesus! Presumably. Uh.

Oh god I can't stop watching videos of opera. I may be a singer who can never sing again, but fortunately that doesn't stop me taking absolute delight in costumes with headdresses that are, you know, taller than my freaking torso.

Project Stamping On The Heads Of The People Who Say Opera Is Elitist By Nature : recommenced! DO YOU NEED A DEGREE TO BE MESMERISED BY A WOMAN IN A GIANT SPARKLY DRESS MAKING HER VOICE GO ALL SORTS OF PLACES? DO YOU? NO. MOTHERFUCKERS.

Ahem. As you were.

An excuse to have more icons, eventually? Somewhere to use this name, you say? All right, then.

E.
x

This magical place that we've found

Eternally in flight like the wave.

Fanmix : we are savages, you and I (The Magicians by Lev Grossman)

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